Page 16 - Senior Times South Central Michigan - February 2016 - 23-02
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Page 16
Senior Times - February 2016
Tips for Better Love
105 Capital Ave., NE • 269-962-5527 •
Does the idea of better, and con- tinued, sex as you age with your partner interest you? You are not alone. has taken the challenge to address this very issue and shares the following tips for you and your loved one.
Tip: Communicate
Bodies and feelings change as you grow older; it’s more impor- tant than ever to communicate your thoughts, fears, and desires with your partner. Encourage your partner to communicate fully with you, too. Speaking openly about sex may not come easily to you, but improving your communication will help both of you feel closer, and can make sex more pleasurable.
Talking about sex can be difficult for some people, but it should get easier once you begin. And as an added bonus, you may find that just talking about sex can make you feel sexy. Try the following strategies as you begin the conversation.
• Be playful. Being playful can make communication about sex a lot easier. Consider using humor or gentle teasing to lighten the mood.
• Be honest. Honesty fosters trust and relaxes both partners – and can be very attractive. Let your partner know how you are feeling and what you hope for in a sex life.
• Discuss new ideas. If you want to try something new, discuss it with your partner, and be open to his or her ideas, too. The senior years – with more time and fewer distractions – can be a time of creativity and passion.
• Modernize. You may belong to a generation in which sex was a taboo subject. But talking openly about your needs, desires, and concerns with your partner can make you closer – and help you both enjoy sex and intimacy.
Tip: Focus On Intimacy And Physical Touch
A good sex life – at any age – involves a lot more than just sex.
It’s also about intimacy and touch, things anyone can benefit from. Even if you have health problems or physical disabilities, you can engage in intimate acts and benefit from closeness with another person. Take the pressure off by putting aside your old ideas of what sex “should be.” Focus instead on the importance of tenderness and contact.
Taking your time to become more intimate.
• Stretch your experience. Start with a romantic dinner – or breakfast – before lovemaking. Share romantic or erotic literature and poetry. Having an experi- ence together, sexual or not, is a powerful way of connecting inti- mately.
• Don’t be shy. Hold hands and touch your partner often, and encourage him or her to touch you. Tell your partner what you love about him/her, and share your ideas about new sexual experiences you might have together.
• Relax. Find something that relaxes both partners, whether it’s trying massage or baths together. Relaxation fosters confidence and
comfort, and can help both erec- tile and dryness problems.
Expanding your definition of sex. Sexuality necessarily takes on a broader definition as we age. Try
to open up to the idea that sex can mean many things, and that close- ness with a partner can be expressed in many ways.
• It’s not just about intercourse. Sex can also be about emotional pleasure, sensory pleasure, and relationship pleasure. Intercourse is only one way to have fulfill- ing sex. Touching, kissing, and other intimate sexual contact can be just as rewarding for both you and your partner.
• Natural changes. As you age, it's normal for you and your partner to have different sexual abilities and needs. Find new ways to enjoy sexual contact and intima- cy. You may have intercourse less often than you used to, but the closeness and love you feel will remain.
Tip: Find What Works For You
You might not be as comfortable with some sexual positions as you once were, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up an activity that is pleasurable for you – and miss out on feeling close to your partner. Keep in mind that it’s not all about intercourse or recreating the way things were when you were younger. The key to a great sex life is finding out what works for you now. Sex as you age may call for some creativ- ity. Use the following ideas as inspi- ration, but don’t be afraid to come up with your own.
• Experiment. Try sexual positions that you both find comfortable and pleasurable, taking changes into account. For men, if erec- tile dysfunction is an issue, try sex with the woman on top, as hardness is less important. For women, using lubrication can help.
• Expand what sex means. Holding each other, gentle touch- ing, kissing, and sensual massage are all ways to share passionate feelings.
• Change your routine. Simple, creative changes can improve your sex life. Change the time of day when you have sex to a time when you have more energy. For example, try being intimate in the morning rather than at the end of a long day.
• Foreplay. Because it might take longer for you or your partner to become aroused, take more time to set the stage for romance, such as a romantic dinner or an eve- ning of dancing. Or try connect- ing first by extensive touching or kissing.
• Playfulness. Being playful with your partner is important for a good sex life at any age, but can be especially helpful as you age, whatever it takes to have fun. With the issues you may be fac- ing physically or emotionally, play may be the ticket to help you both relax.
Tip: Restart A Stalled Sex Drive
Some older adults give up hav- ing a sex life due to emotional or medical challenges. But the vast
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