Page 2 - Senior Times South Central Michigan July 2022 - 29-07

Page 2 Senior Times - July 2022
OVERCOMING SIBLING RIVALRY MAKES A BETTER SANDWICH
By: Sherii Sherban, Publisher
Sibling rivalry can be one of the most challenging sources of turmoil families face, even into adulthood. Sometimes it kicks
into full gear after adulthood as emotions arise from resentment, judgement, and more. When we can overcome the challenges
of our youth then we can create a greater support system for aging parents as well as model behaviors that our children, and grand children, will learn from.
• Conflicts in our roles as parents. When parents experience the challenges of meeting the needs of their children, and grand chil- dren, and then have to balance that with the needs of their aging parents having the sup- port of siblings can be priceless. The role as parent sometimes, however, is so consuming that it may interfere with the role we agreed to with siblings. A regular time of conversa- tion with siblings regarding the duplicity of roles that everyone plays can create a sup- port system in both directions.
Although siblings grow up in the same household, each has distinct personalities and interests. These differences can trigger conflict, even after we become adults. If we practice principles of kindness, repentance, forgiveness, charity, love, and generosi-
• Birth order may influence our roles as parents. Raising children requires the on-go- ing adjustment of power in relationships. Healthy children must eventually develop their own identity, separate and apart from their parents. When conflicts arise, parents and children may bicker endlessly for con- trol of their relationship. As they grow, first born children may be able to intimidate their parents if their parents were latter born chil- dren. They may demand a form of respect that we we’re not prepared to give. Both children and parents can make mistakes, and both must learn to apologize when they are wrong, to forgive when they are right, and
ty, we're more likely to build harmonious relationships with our adult brothers and sisters. When sibling rivalry causes deep rifts, forgiveness can be a healing balm. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to do. We may feel so hurt by a sibling that we con- clude his or her actions are beyond repair.
and hopefully them as well.
Sometimes we need to forgive even when a sibling hasn't asked to be forgiven. This principle is especially important in families where tiny molehills of misunderstanding are fanned into mountains of argument. If a sib- ling has wronged us, we can't control when he or she seeks our pardon, if they ever do. In the meantime, if we choose to hold grudg- es or harbor resentment, then that pain can often be passed on to future generations.
Sibling Rivalry Doesn’t Stop at the Front Door – If we've had conflict with sib- lings in the past, it's rarely too late to make a new start. It just requires commitment to the effort. Sibling rivalry can be taken into many aspects of our everyday life without even realizing it, especially as is pertains to patterns of communication and handling dis- agreements. Consider the following:
If we are the one who has wronged a sib- ling, it's up to us to change our hearts. Don’t expect acceptance overnight but when your sibling sees your commitment to change, your relationships with others will improve,
• Conflicts between grown children and parents. While few of us are comfort- able with the aging process, even fewer of us want to feel treated like “children” by our children. Older adults sometimes feel a loss of status when their previous strengths
• Conflicts in our roles as spouses. When spouses experience marital problems, they sometimes lock horns and defend their status as, “the one who is right.” At times, it takes a bulldozer to bring both partners to the bar- gaining table. Rather than view the discus- sion of problems as the road to solutions, the underlying battle sometimes becomes, “there is nothing wrong with me.” We may confuse our need to be right with our willingness to fix our relationships.
to respect each others’ differences when they disagree. If, however, our pride gets in the way and we find ourselves competing with our children, we may be re-enacting old battles.
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P.O. Box 2659, Battle Creek, MI 49016
Paid for by Sharing and Caring through the Years Millage Committee