Page 11 - Senior Times South Central Michigan April 2021 - 28-04

Senior Times - April 2021 Page 11
father passed out of state and the waiting peri- od for his remains to make the journey back to Michigan led to a hurt that could not be closed. Even still, due to COVID, he waits to be reunited with my mother under the tree at Oakhill Cemetery.
seem like either one is gone. Their joy of life surrounds me in so many ways. The smallest of things, at the oddest of times, makes me reflect on my mother and be inspired, or to shake my head and smile when thinking of my father. From time to time the memories slip out for the world to see and a tear might slide down my face. Keep in mind that I might experience that same reaction with other joyous events in my life like the day I was married, or grand babies were born.
withdrawal and calm. This is not necessarily a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.
The journey through my father’s passing was heart-wrenching in a much different way and yet the visual of the magnets being drawn together again (my parents) gave me great joy.
According to C.S. Lewis, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ~ A Grief Observed
I have been strong through the biggest of moments. It’s the quiet moments when my soul ached the most. It’s the thoughtful ges- tures of others that forced my raw heart to surface. I am grateful for them all. Family, friends, others who knew Rich and Shirley and shared their stories, and new friends made as we worked to bring the lifetime of two wonderful people to that of a memory as well as a future through children, grand children, great grand children, and beyond.
The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be their last gift to us. Experiencing my mother’s final days was valuable as an adult child but I think for my children as well. They were able to witness how we cared for my mother in her remain- ing days. Experiencing my father’s final days solidified the need for legal documents and making the tough decisions, as well as my personal desire to advocate for anyone that may need it in the future.
Could it be true that there is fear in grief? Quite possibly, but I tend to think that it’s
a reaction to how the future might look dif- ferent instead of what was planned. Part of that fear might come from not knowing the direction that life will now take without a sig- nificant person to bounce off ideas, success- es, challenges, joy, and so much more. The resulting fear can be paralyzing or cause us to step up to the challenge and make decisions in a new way and become, in my case, the matriarch of the family that I didn’t expect to be until much later in life. But there was still comfort in knowing how our father wanted
us to proceed with their home as well as their business that was built together.
I hope that Keith and I have demon- strated to our children how important it is to do the tough stuff... because you love deeply.
The most important part of the grieving process for me was the realization that I have loved deeply and that it was worth
it. Without the depth of my relationships
And finally, for me, love grew to a new level as I was able to go though the stages of grief, to appreciate all that was, and to carry on with a renewed sense of joy.
Some experience grief in such a way that it becomes their focus going forward, but alas that is not for me. There have been so many reasons to experience new-found joy along- side the grief. Being open to the new better doesn’t discount the way it was but rather allows for great memories to continue into new traditions that can be great memories for the next generation.
I would find life to be less fulfilling. It is partially because of loss that I am able to appreciate all that I have and can share with the world.
Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply per- sonal and singular experience. Nobody can do it for you or truly understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you, in your own way. Resisting it seems to only prolong the natural process of healing.
I’m not sure, however, that missing a loved one ever ends. My memories of my parents are so full that some days it doesn’t even
Publisher’s Note: If you cannot manage the grief that you are experiencing consider scheduling a visit with a professional coun- selor. And if you have not put together your legal documents... now would be a good time to more forward with those. They are a gift you give to yourself and your family.
According to experts, grief expresses itself in several stages including denial and isola- tion, anger, bargaining, depression, and accep- tance. Reaching the final stage of mourning
is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not nec- essarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevi- table and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. The last phase is marked by
Thank you for being a part of my journey toward healing and joy.
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